Groundbreaking Discovery: Teachers Never Leave School

It is a common assumption that at the end of every school day teachers return home to their families. It has been recently discovered that this is not the case. In 1998, there was a Massachusetts state law passed that prohibited teachers from leaving school. In order for them to get the entirety of their grading and lesson planning done, they could not waste time driving home and eating dinner. The law states that at 7:29 am at the start of each school year to 2:11 on the last teacher work day they may not return home. The classrooms in which your teachers frequent double as their bedrooms after hours. Murphy beds are built into the walls of every classroom and are pulled down at 4:00pm sharp everyday. Teachers flow in and out of the teacher bathrooms with toothbrushes and shower caps in hand. A sense of camaraderie is formed each school year as teachers spend every waking moment with other members of the school faculty.

Teachers are reluctant to meet with students before school because it is difficult to set up the classrooms again in time. You may see a stray pillow case or slipper lying about one day and wonder why it got there. You may open up a cabinet looking for a piece of scrap paper or an expo marker and find carefully folded clothing and perhaps a stuffed animal or two. You will wonder why you have not once seen a teacher outside of school during the school year. This is simply because the school is their home. On the rare instance your teacher is absent it is because they are on one of the food shopping trips allowed by the law. They must stockpile food so they will not starve in the school building. This discovery may shatter some people’s view of reality and cause some severe inner turmoil. If so, the Voice has an advice column that can help you sort out what you are feeling. In the meantime, if you are feeling tired in class then I advise you to give the wall a few taps and a bed will appear for you.

SPOOF red Rubber Stamp over a white background.