Category: Spoofs

Fight Breaks Out Between Baseball and Lacrosse Teams

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The CCHS men’s baseball and lacrosse teams engaged in a massive brawl last Wednesday afternoon. Both teams had successful spring seasons and were looking forward to the postseason, however, they now wonder what the future holds. The trouble started when…

New No-Cellphone Policy Shakes CCHS

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Throughout the year, faculty and administration have become increasingly frustrated with students’ constant in-class cellphone use. Teachers repeatedly catch students using their phones in class to text and surf the web, and this annoying reoccurrence is at its all-time high. Faculty…

Rivers Students Spark an Actual Revolution!

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In a startling turn of events, the students in the Rivers and Revolutions program have gone rogue and decided to bring change to the school in a big way. This morning, when the buses began pulling up around 7:00, arriving…

2016-2017 School Year to be Longer

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As the 2015-2016 year comes to a close, many are feeling mournful at the premature end of the year. There is just not enough time to hang out with your friends, get to know your teachers, and have fun doing…

Administration Distributes Blank Diplomas to Preempt Prank

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Chatter among the student body last week circulated the plan for this year’s senior prank: to release an inordinate number of ladybugs into the school.  Upon learning of this prank, the administration immediately convened in one of those secretive rooms…

School to Install Hedge Maze

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In the past months, the town has made many aesthetic alterations to our new school. One of these alterations was a new amphitheater. With its grassy knolls and long, sleek benches, the installation provides a focal point for the back of…

Beede Center to be Flattened to Add Student Parking

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The new school has brought plenty of problems with parking for students. There have been lots of protests given the limited amount of space, and it has been described as “an anarchic, chaotic system.” However, the problems created by it…

One Direction Goes in Different Directions!

There’s sad news for “Directioners” today.  The British boy band One Direction has decided to split and go their separate ways. The news came just days after Zayn Malik announced he would be parting ways with the band to be a…

New London’s To Close

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SPOOF ARTICLE THAT WAS WRITTEN FOR THE APRIL FOOLS ISSUE. NEW LONDON’S IS INDEED IN BUSINESS, AND IS READY TO SERVE ITS CUSTOMERS! After serving the Concord community for over 45 years, New London pizza will…