Spoofs

Rivers and Revolutions for All Grades

June 17, 2013
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Rivers and Revolutions for All Grades

This year was the pilot year for the Rivers and Revolutions program here at CC, a very successful pilot year at that. Many students, first skeptical of the program, are now eager to be accepted and are dropping all sorts of classes in order to accommodate the program to their schedules. Students who have...
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Goodbye Patriots: New School Mascot

June 17, 2013
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Goodbye Patriots: New School Mascot

On June 7th, 2013 it was officially decided that Concord Carlisle High School would no longer have the mascot name “the CCHS Patriots.” After approximately four months of constant arguing and negotiating, the new name, the Worms, was agreed upon. The proposal to change the school mascot was brought to the school committee at...
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Disney to Take Starring Role in the Classroom

June 17, 2013
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Disney to Take Starring Role in the Classroom

After careful consideration, Principal Badalament has decided that the high school would be a more effective learning community if traditional Disney cartoons are incorporated into classrooms.  “We don’t want to use Hannah Montana or any of that modern junk,” he explained in a recent interview, “But we hope to bring the magic of old-fashioned...
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CCHS Prepares for Construction, Fall Term

June 17, 2013
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CCHS Prepares for Construction, Fall Term

Given the current state of affairs at CCHS, with a new school rising up from the dirt just yards from the back of the H building and cement trucks lumbering past the L and S building windows, the school administration is putting into place several modifications to make the next year less stressful for...
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CCHS Enforces School Uniform Policy

June 17, 2013
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CCHS Enforces School Uniform Policy

  After much deliberation, the CCHS school committee has decided to enforce school uniforms for the 2013-2014 school year. The aim for the school is to encourage individualism and a form a greater community spirit with the introduction of school uniforms. Also, because students will be easily identified, intruders in the school can be...
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Tired Teachers List Pet Peeves

March 24, 2013
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Tired Teachers List Pet Peeves

Teachers at CCHS, fatigued from rattling walls, nauseous from writing on quivering ActivBoards, worried about falling behind on curriculum and thus on grading thanks to unpredictable weather patterns, and driven mad from noxious fumes and strange animal noises emanating from groaning pipes, have compiled a list of their pet peeves in order to release...
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Facebook Finds a Place in School

March 24, 2013
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Facebook Finds a Place in School

Seniors have started to reflect on their time spent at CC and are now lending praise to an essential facet of their high school careers: the unsung hero, as it were, of their education.  “I don’t know where I would have been without Facebook,” says one student, tear-stricken as she reminisces on all the...
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College No More!

March 24, 2013
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College No More!

Attention seniors: our nation’s universities have given up the ghost. What with more and more students throwing themselves off the Cornell gorge each year and stress levels at an all-time high, President Obama issued an Executive Order today decreeing that all colleges and universities close up shop immediately. Whether your Ivy Day results flooded you...
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No Parking, In Place Tomorrow

March 24, 2013
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No Parking, In Place Tomorrow

 Many of the juniors have already felt the effects of the school construction, namely in the form of restricted parking. However, there has been news from the state department that CCHS needs to speed up the construction: there is a new state-mandated law that public construction cannot go on for more than 5 months....
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CCHS Prom Canceled

March 24, 2013
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CCHS Prom Canceled

Unfortunately, after much anticipation, the CCHS prom has been canceled. Due to a lack of teacher chaperones, the annual school tradition is no longer available As the treasurer of the Class of 2014, I would like to say that my class government and the Class of 2013 came to this decision with a heavy...
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